Monday, December 13, 2010
9:13 AM
9:13 AM
Good morning. It's Monday, time to start making heads roll for me to get something for the pain. These things they have me on now, as I've said are not working quite enough. I know that if I back off of them, I end up in a shitload more pain, but there has to be something out there that can work until they can do the surgery.
I just got off the phone with Dr. Lais office. I asked to get transferred to Alena I think her name is. She handles all of the prescriptions I guess. I called her last Tuesday, she told me she would check with the doctor and call me back, well it's been almost a week. So I got transferred to her extension but it went straight to voice mail. So I left a message. Hopefully I'll hear something back soon.
9:32 AM
Well I just rec'd an nice surprise. My attorney just called, out of the blue. I'm glad I even answered my cell because his call came up "restricted". He asked how I was doing and I told him. Not good. I explained how I'm being ran in circles by my doctors for some pain meds that will be strong enough to help with the pain because what I'm on isn't working for shit. I told him that I'm looking into having my hand amputated because there doesn't seem to be anything else that will help with the pain relief. I also told him how the Psych Review I had with Dr. Feldman went good and he wants me to get into the Chronic Pain Institute at St. Judes in L.A. I told Mr. Flickenger that I can't do anything to get into their and he said that if that’s what I need, then I'll get it. The call went good. I was really surprised that he called. It was a nice surprise too. Maybe something will start to happen this week.
5:30 pm
Well today is still going pretty fair I guess. I bought my grandson a Hot Wheels Colossal Race Track Set and bought myself the Nook E-Book and a case. My own little X-Mas gift.
December 18, 2010
December 11, 2010
is it really getting to this?
Good morning,
How is your day going so far? Well I had an interesting evening last night. I turned out to be the Designated Driver for a couple of people. Well, the first one of the evening was actually a date. A friend of my pop's needed a date for her company Christmas party. She's older and I had met her for the first time a few days ago, we had lunch the next day and agreed to go to the party. So I went and picked her up at her place up river from town. We went straight to the party at an Elk's Lodge back in town. We got there just in time to have a good parking spot, had no real wait at the bar for a drink, and got a good seat at a table up front so we could see everything. They stared off with a Prime Rib, Chicken breast dinner that actually was not impressive. I couldn't cut my steak or even the chicken breast with my steak knife. I can't cut a steak for shit in the first place unless it's very, very tender, ok, unless I make it. Yes, of course, I'm an amazing cook. Well, I use to be, I can't do too much other than boxed pasta or just a plain meat. Before the accident, I used to cook all the time. I would have dinner parties where I did all the cooking, from prep work to clean up. But anymore, I struggle with rinsing out my coffee cup.
Again because of the Implant shorting out. My hand and fingers have gotten soooooooo much more tender to the touch.
Ok, back to the events of last night. After the party had pretty much wrapped up, a bunch of people went to the local casino to do some more partying. My date, Joanne, and I went also and we found the group she knew and we sat with them. I met a handful of people, but I did meet this lady Meagan, absolutely beautiful. I don't see a future with her or anyone else for that matter. Nobody wants to be with someone that has to deal with what I'm going through. So anyway, I drank coffee all night because of my meds and I also volunteered to be designated driver since I was the sober one. Joanne was about done for the night so I took her home and went back to the casino to see if this one young lady still needed a ride back to her car at the Elks, and yes, I suppose to see Meagan again. I looked and looked and didn't see her, until this girl Liz was ready to leave. And as we were on our way out, I saw Meagan at the bar where I just walked passed coming back in. but I wasn't looking for her there, I was I guess expecting to see her over by the stage where the group was at initially. Too I didn't say I was coming back. Well that doesn't matter anyway, so I went ahead and took Liz back to the Elks' for her to get her car.
Well that was my evening, was fun. I'm so tired still. I'm going to lay down, maybe make a bowl of cereal and lay back down for a bit. This implant isn't working, but I'm still having headaches from it. The battery implant is still so sore to even touch it while pulling up underwear, shorts, or pants. It's been more than 2 months. Too the center of my back, where they had put the other incision to help feed the wires from my neck to the battery, I had an itch the other day right where that scar is. I barely touched it and I got a sharp pain that sent me just about through the ceiling. I couldn't even sit back in a chair, lay down, nothing because of that one little spot. It isn't as bad right now, my hand is bothering me more than anything, but that spot is still tender to the touch.
Heads are going to start to roll because I can't deal with this pain anymore. I'm fucking losing it. I want my hand removed. For good.
11:30am Fuuuuck, I just had such a bad burst of bad energy in my left hand's ring finger in the middle knuckle. The only way I can describe the pain on this incident is if you could imagine taking a regular stick pin and it being pushed into the middle of the knuckle. Now too, this burst of pain, bad energy, evil energy, whatever you want to call it. I kind of refer to it as the latter, EVIL ENERGY, is all aside from the CRUSHING sensation I already have in my hand and the multiple and countless bursts of BAD ENERGY that I feel 24/7 and its gotten so much worse since my implant quit working. Well, back to the topics of the day
1:14pm man, this is such bullshit. Another burst of evil energy, this time into my middle finger and base of ring finger on the palm side of my hand. It felt like it was being pinched, like by a pair of pliers or something. It's eased up a little, at least enough for me to get back to typing with my index finger.
1:24pm this burst was in my little finger, on the palm side again. Another pinching sensation of the skin along the length of my finger. This is making me sick. I get these feelings 24/7 and it's just getting worse.
How is your day going so far? Well I had an interesting evening last night. I turned out to be the Designated Driver for a couple of people. Well, the first one of the evening was actually a date. A friend of my pop's needed a date
Again because of the Implant shorting out. My hand and fingers have gotten soooooooo much more tender to the touch.
Ok, back to the events of last night. After the party had pretty much wrapped up, a bunch of people went to the local casino to do some more partying. My date, Joanne, and I went also
Well that was my evening, was fun. I'm so tired still. I'm going to lay down, maybe make a bowl of cereal and lay back down for a bit. This implant isn't working, but I'm still having headaches from it. The battery implant is still so sore to even touch it while pulling up underwear, shorts, or pants. It's been more than 2 months. Too the center of my back, where they had put the other incision to help feed the wires from my neck to the battery, I had an itch the other day right where that scar is. I barely touched it and I got a sharp pain that sent me just about through the ceiling. I couldn't even sit back in a chair, lay down, nothing because of that one little spot. It isn't as bad right now, my hand is bothering me more than anything, but that spot is still tender to the touch.
Heads are going to start to roll because I can't deal with this pain anymore. I'm fucking losing it. I want my hand removed. For good.
11:30am Fuuuuck, I just had such a bad burst of bad energy in my left hand's ring finger in the middle knuckle. The only way I can describe the pain on this incident is if you could imagine taking a regular stick pin and it being pushed into the middle of the knuckle. Now too, this burst of pain, bad energy, evil energy, whatever you want to call it. I kind of refer to it as the latter, EVIL ENERGY, is all aside from the CRUSHING sensation I already have in my hand and the multiple and countless bursts of BAD ENERGY that I feel 24/7 and its gotten so much worse since my implant quit working. Well, back to the topics of the day
1:14pm man, this is such bullshit. Another burst of evil energy, this time into my middle finger and base of ring finger on the palm side of my hand. It felt like it was being pinched, like by a pair of pliers or something. It's eased up a little, at least enough for me to get back to typing with my index finger.
1:24pm this burst was in my little finger, on the palm side again. Another pinching sensation of the skin along the length of my finger. This is making me sick. I get these feelings 24/7 and it's just getting worse.
December 10, 2010
Thursday, December 09, 2010
9:54 AM
Hey everybody,
Yeah, I know. It's been a couple of weeks, or there about anyway. I've been feeling like shit for one thing. My hand has been causing me so much more pain than it has in the last couple of years. I keep telling my pain management doctor but they seem to not understand. I called them again on Tuesday. I spoke to Holly, she's my nurse if I need to schedule an appointment or had any questions aside from my usual appointment. I asked for a new pain med that might be stronger, or something we haven't tried. Then she transferred me to, I think her name is Alina or something. Well she is the only person that calls in prescriptions but she has to talk to the doctor first, especially if it has to do with any possible new meds. And while I'm sitting here just now scanning photos into my computer and I got another burst of bad energy into my hand when I remembered that I hadn't received a call back from the office. And here's the screwed part, they're closed on Friday's. so now I have to wait until Monday, and who knows what they'll do.
They just don't fucking get it. I also spoke to a shrink a couple of weeks ago too. I had to see him for the insurance company. Told me that the amount of pain this is causing me and controlling my life so much. Actually, this injury took my life away. I've never even had a speeding ticket until this shit happened to me and now I've had my second one and I just saw the judge about it today, making me have to pay $250 some bucks, that I don't fucking have. I guess it could have been worse it wouldn't matter if it was 50 bucks.
The shrink I saw did tell me to check out St. Judes Hospital in LA for the chronic pain institute. I still have to do that but maybe I'll get to it tonight.
CUT SHORT LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I GOT TOO TIRED AND HIGH TO WRITE ANYMORE, NOW I'M ABOUT TO POST ANOTHER. STICK AWHLE FOR TODAYS BLOG
LOVE YA ALL
Hey everybody,
Yeah, I know. It's been a couple of weeks, or there about anyway. I've been feeling like shit for one thing. My hand has been causing me so much more pain than it has in the last couple of years. I keep telling my pain management doctor but they seem to not understand. I called them again on Tuesday. I spoke to Holly, she's my nurse if I need to schedule an appointment or had any questions aside from my usual appointment. I asked for a new pain med that might be stronger, or something we haven't tried. Then she transferred me to, I think her name is Alina or something. Well she is the only person that calls in prescriptions but she has to talk to the doctor first, especially if it has to do with any possible new meds. And while I'm sitting here just now scanning photos into my computer and I got another burst of bad energy into my hand when I remembered that I hadn't received a call back from the office. And here's the screwed part, they're closed on Friday's. so now I have to wait until Monday, and who knows what they'll do.
They just don't fucking get it. I also spoke to a shrink a couple of weeks ago too. I had to see him for the insurance company. Told me that the amount of pain this is causing me and controlling my life so much. Actually, this injury took my life away. I've never even had a speeding ticket until this shit happened to me and now I've had my second one and I just saw the judge about it today, making me have to pay $250 some bucks, that I don't fucking have. I guess it could have been worse it wouldn't matter if it was 50 bucks.
The shrink I saw did tell me to check out St. Judes Hospital in LA for the chronic pain institute. I still have to do that but maybe I'll get to it tonight.
CUT SHORT LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I GOT TOO TIRED AND HIGH TO WRITE ANYMORE, NOW I'M ABOUT TO POST ANOTHER. STICK AWHLE FOR TODAYS BLOG
LOVE YA ALL
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