Friday, February 11, 2011

Friday, February 11, 2011

7:31 PM

About 5 minutes ago I felt for the fourth time today a "JOLT" of some sort from my neck and shoulders and went through my upper torso and down my arms, even made me light headed for a split second. I don't know what the hell is happening, but I have a feeling it's from the implant in my neck.

The first two times happened this morning while I went out for a walk, the third happened earlier this afternoon just moving around the house. And the fourth, just happened. Each one has happened while I was turning my head one direction or the other, while standing or walking anyway.

But here we are, FUCKING FRIDAY, is what I'm going to call it anymore. Because EVERYTHING that I have no control over and need to tell my Doctors, Attorney's or even the insurance adjuster, happens on FUCKING FRIDAY. This one really scares me though. I'm feeling these "jolts" from the neck implant and the implant hasn't worked since Jan. 18th. And just to make sure, I just tried the unit again, turning it on, but it didn't do anything. Unfortunately out here, in Parker, we have only the emergency room at the local hospital. And unfortunately, they couldn't pull a splinter out of my foot if it was the size of a Christmas Tree.

So I can only hope that between now and Monday, I hope that whatever is going on with my neck implant, I hope it doesn't get any worse.

Well, goodnight for now. Not going to bed, but my hand is killing me. Just going to watch some tv and work on one of my drawings.

Ciao

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

3:54 PM

Well, here we are, already into February. This year will be half over before we know it. I just can't wait for it to warm up. I hate the cold.

Ok, so check out the bullshit I had to deal with last week. My pain management doctor is refusing to treat me, basically give me pain meds that I have been on for awhile. But early in the week I was told I could come by the office to pick up a prescription to get me through the next 30 days, according to Holly, my nurse the Dr. Lai.

So I drive the 2 hours out there and there is no prescription. She told me to wait while she waited for a call from Dr. Bergey's office. So I waited for over an hour and then it was 1:00pm and she was about to close the office. I'm just about out of meds and I'm having to scramble around on my phone and around this desert to get my meds.

2/10/2011 8:38 PM

Well, I fucked up. To begin with, I hadn't made a note in over a week, I tell myself to just make one small comment or whatever, everyday. As you can see I'm Johnny on the spot with that. But too, I don't know exactly why, but as last Saturday came to a close, I went bed at a decent hour. But like most nights I was up every couple to 3 hours, tossing and turning.

There was a huge race out in the desert Saturday. I had every intention on Friday to go out and watch them drive through town. It's huge, if you were to look for Parker Score 425 or something. I hadn't looked online yet. Anyway, around 6 am Saturday all the off road vehicles, jeeps, rails, trucks, whatever, were going to be rolling through town. Sort of like a parade.

Anyway, I stayed in bed because I just had such a bad night, again, from my hand hurting so much. So I stayed in bed, all day Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. I think I ate 1 meal, drank very little water, cause that meant I would have get up and go piss at some point. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't get any rest. I still feel tired.

But this is where I "fucked up". I had an appointment with a doctor that is a Hand and Upper Extremity Reconstructive Surgeon yesterday. It was in Beverly Hills, CA. From my house to the office, it's 272 miles one way. According to Google, it's a drive that could take as little as 4 hours and 51 minutes, to as long as 7 hours and 40 minutes, (sounds like the time frame the cable guy gives you). My original plan was to go out to the area the day before, Tuesday, get a hotel room and that way I would be close enough to not have such long day with the round trip drive. Well because I've been in a shut down mode for 3 days, I put off going out early. So then I planned, 'well I'll just go to bed early and get on the road about 5:00 am'. I even took my bedtime meds early, 8:30, which included a muscle relaxer and sleep aide. I laid down around 9:30, tossed and turned until around 2/2:30am when I was actually able doze off. But that wasn't good enough, I woke up again after about 30 minutes. I even thought maybe just get up and go out then. That wouldn't have been good either. I didn't know if the sleeping pill would kick in at any given time to include the muscle relaxer, (soma 350). I may as well have been drunk if anything would have happened, like an accident. That I don't need, nobody does.

So anyway, I called the doctors office in the morning, explained what happened and they said that to reschedule would be as soon as August. So that's where I fucked up.

From talking to my attorney, this guy is the best. I also told my attorney that if the doctor couldn't re-wire the nerves in my hand to take the pain away, or help re-build the tendons to make my hand work normally, or at least functionally, I want my hand amputated.

I cannot do this anymore. I have to wear protection over my hand 24/7 now because the surface is sensitive to everything. Even the water coming out of the faucet, not the heat or cold, even though that is extra sensitive with either. Cold or Hot water is one thing, most people would imagine that I'm sure, but even I didn't think that my hand would be so sensitive to just the water running over my hand.

And then I have to dry my hand, it could be tissue paper and my hand is be in so much pain, just from "dabbing" it dry.

I even missed a psych therapy appointment today because I just couldn't handle going anywhere. I talked to my therapist, well, texted anyway. I have another appointment with her next week. I'll make that one, I hope.

I just want the pain to stop. It's been 2 1/2 years, almost 3. The pain in my hand is getting worse, not getting better. It's spreading out toward more of my hand than where it had been. More of my hand is hurting. The pain was more concentrated as a "crushing' sensation that covered about my whole hand. But anymore, the pain isn't just the crushing sensation, it's even more sensitive to touch, as I was describing a moment ago. That has always been a problem, but when I said getting worse, that what is getting worse. I have to wear a padded glove 24/7. The sheets in the bed even send me to the ceiling because of the pain when I slide my hand around pulling them up over my shoulder.

2/11/2011 7:30 AM

Good morning. Well, the sudden pause in yesterdays note was from a freeze in my computer. I just got my first morning cup of coffee, since Saturday too actually. Well what I wanted to mention is that as I was pouring my cup, it dribbled down the pot and onto the counter. Trying to clean it up I just grabbed a paper towel. I had to lift the pot, with my right hand and wipe the under side of it and I couldn’t believe how bad it hurt my left hand to just HOLD the paper towel in my thumb and index finger while the rest of my hand was ATTACKED, that was how it felt anyway, by the paper towel while I ran it over the bottom of the pot.

This is such bullshit. I was up at least 3 times last night and can't even enjoy my fucking coffee.

But the key thing is, I'm up. Out of bed. Having coffee. Threw on some shorts, about to throw on my walking shoes (that I have already had someone tie them for me, tight enough not to fall off if I picked up the pace and started to jog or run a little, but loose enough to slip on and off easy enough.) and planning to go out and walk for a bit. I had spent just about the last week as a recluse and that is just not me. Not that I'm a socialite of some kind, but I used to always try and just do something.

But wow is this coffee good, I've had the supposed fresh ground from Starbucks or wherever, but at home, oh it is so much different. It fills the air in the whole house with the smell of the ground beans. Then once brewed, mmm, mmm, mmm. So, I'm grabbing a second cup. (no this isn't even a commercial, lol).

Ok, and no dribble this time. I took the top off prior to pouring.

Sitting here listening to Mark and Brian on the computer and wish like hell I could pick them up on my cell phone so I could hear their show while I was out walking. I'm trying to record them on RealPlayer but I don't know if it'll work, then save the show on my phone. Worth a shot I think.

I can't believe how much my neck and shoulders are still killing me and so tight from the last surgery. I try using ice and heat and I still feel so tight that you could bend a nail if trying to nail one into my shoulders. It just fucking hurts.

Tue, Jan 25, 2011

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

10:39 AM

I just called Dr. Lai's office again. I asked for Elena and got transferred to her voice mail. Well I wasn't about to leave her another message, she never returns calls. So I called back, the receptionist answered and I asked her if Elena was there. She said she was in back. Well I told her to just see if Holly was back there. I told Holly I left a couple messages already and still waiting for her to call and asked what was going on. The next thing I know, Elena is on the phone.

She said she only got one of my messages. I told her that was fine, my attorney could find more.

We ran down the list of meds I needed and she said they would be ready for me Thursday.

Mon, Jan 24, 2011

Monday, January 24, 2011

9:55 AM

Good morning, well, not so much really. Let me explain.

Okay, I've probably mentioned all of this before, but bare with me while I re-cap what's happened, and now what's happening.

On Sept. 29 last year I had my first implant surgery to help mask the pain in my hand and forearm. While it was working, I began to think that it might actually do some good in the long run. But on Thanksgiving day, Nov. 25th, the implant quit working. I felt this massive surge of electricity go up over my scalp, twice, until there was just nothing. I called everyone possible and being a holiday, I could only leave messages. So the next day, Nov. 26th, I went to the local hospital, La Paz Regional Hospital. I was afraid that there might be a leak in the battery or some other problem. So they did what they had to, ran some X-rays and said that I should be fine until the original surgeon was able to determine the problem.

Fortunately the following Monday, the 29th of November, I had already had an appointment scheduled with Dr. Lai, my pain management doctor. Plus I got lucky and was able to meet with Melisa, the implant rep, before my appointment with Lai. Melisa said that the unit shorted out or something. Whatever was wrong, was bad enough that it failed all of the diagnostic tests that she could run. She said she would fill in Dr. Bergey and for me to call and schedule an appointment with his office. Both Melisa and I explained the problem with the implant to Erin, Dr. Lai's PA. She said to go ahead with that plan and let her know what was going to be the next step.

On Wednesday, December 1st, I had an appointment with a Dr. Feldman, a psychiatrist that the insurance company wanted me to see. After about 5 hours, most of which was filling out paperwork, I'm serious. I felt like I wrote a book. I explained to him that the implant was causing me problems and that the pain in my hand and forearm were driving me nuts, I just cannot keep on dealing with this. He said that wanted me to look into getting help from St. Judes Medical Center in Los Angeles and that they have a chronic pain center I should get involved with. He also said that my life is being controlled by my arm, and that needs to change.

On December 6th, it had been a week and a half since the implant quit working, and everyday my hand seemed to be getting more and more sore. The pain was getting so much worse than before that I was taking just about one of everything I had every few hours. I called Dr. Bergey's office at 10:23mst and left a voice mail with Jessica to see about getting in to have the implant looked at. At 10:52mst I called Dr. Lustig to see what my options were, I was in so much pain, I just didn't know who to turn to. I was told to call Dr. Lai's office because he is my pain management doctor.

So at 11:30mst I called Dr. Lai's office and spoke to Holly, she is my nurse, or liaison to determine who I needed to see or what my needs were. I explained to her how much pain I was in since the implant quit working and that the pain was increasingly getting worse. She said that I needed to talk to Elena, in the back room. She handles all of the meds and prescriptions. So Holly transferred me and I got Elena's voice mail. I left her a message to call me back as soon as possible.

Well I gave Elena the rest of that week and called back again on the 10th at 1:40pm mst and left another message, but then I remember that the office was closed on Fridays. So I called again on Monday, the 13th at 9:10am mst and left another voice mail with Elena explaining that I needed something to help with the pain. I got no return call so I called again on Tuesday the 14th at 9:40am mst and left another voice mail. And I called again at 10:46. I called one more time on the 17th at 8:25am mst and left yet another voice mail.

Later that day, the 17th, I had an appointment with Dr. Bergey. We needed to talk about what was going on with the implant and determine what the next move was going to be. I also explained to Dr. Bergey that I had been trying to get some stronger pain meds from Dr. Lai's office and I had left a number of messages but no one has returned my call. So I asked him if he could get me something strong enough to help with the pain. He wrote me a prescription for Oxycontin 20mg and to take 2 - 3 times a day.

Okay, so I'm starting to get the pain under control, it's going from a 20 to a 15, and that’s on a scale from 1-10.

I go to my next appointment with Dr. Lai on the 30th and it is with his PA, Erin. She begins to tell me that they, Desert Pain and Rehabilitation, is no longer going to treat me because I began taking beds prescribed by Dr. Bergey. I about dropped my jaw to the floor. I explained to Erin that I had called Elena and left her messages a number of times and got no return call. And because of that they were tossing me aside. I told her that was childish and I couldn't believe what they were doing.

Well now it's time, it's January 4th, 2011. I went to Dr. Bergey's in Colton to have my implant re-done. I wasn't sure what all they were going to be doing, I just had an idea that they were going to possibly even wake me up in the middle of the surgery so they could ask me if I felt the "paddles" were in a better position than the first time by turning it on. Well I don't remember that happening, I just barely remember waking up and my daughter driving me back to her apartment. Somehow I made it inside, she made up the couch into a bed and that was where I stayed for just about a week. Every time I tried to move for the first 4 or 5 days, it felt like my arms were being pulled off my body, not from the shoulders either, from the neck. The doctor told me he had to open me up a lot more than last time to get the paddles in the right position.

Eight days later, on the 12th of January, I met with Melisa around 10:00am pst and then I had to drive out to Colton for my follow up appointment with Dr. Bergey.

Well while I was with Melisa, she set up the implant with 4 different settings and when I left her, I left it on setting #4. I went back to my daughters apartment to wait a bit before driving out to Colton. I was sitting back and enjoying the sensation I was getting from the implant.

Okay, so now it's time for me to get on the road for Colton. Because the implants sensation is so inconsistent, it would increase so high it was a distraction and sometimes there would be nothing there, so for the drive out to see Dr. Bergey, I turned the unit off. I didn't need the distraction while driving.

I made it out to see my doctor and went back to Tasha's, still leaving the implant off cause of the drive. But that evening, I went to turn it on and for some reason, setting #4 was dead, wouldn't come on. So I texted Melisa and told her to call me in the morning.

She called, helped me get the unit to a different setting and so, okay, it's working again, for now.

You have to remember, today is now the 13th of January. One day after programming the unit and I'm already having problems with it.

So I've got the implant working, 3 of the 4 settings, but it's working. It isn't really consistent though. I barely turn or tilt my head and the thing either quits, or it intensifies and I cannot handle that. But I leave the unit on 24/7, turn it down a little so it doesn't bother me while I am sleeping but I can still feel it tingling down my left arm.

Then all of a sudden, on Tuesday, the 18th, I woke up around 2 or 2:30am mst. That in itself isn't a big deal, I don't sleep that well in the first place. But on this day when I woke up, I was restless but wide awake. So I turned on the tv, started to mess around with the computer, and it dawned on me. I don't feel the implant tingling in my arm. So I grabbed the unit and tried changing settings and still I got nothing. I'm getting so fucking pissed and stressed out over this "modern technology".

So the next morning, I called Melisa and set up a time to meet with her. I drove out to see her and she ran all of these tests and confirmed that the unit was dead. She didn't know how or why, but she said they were going to have to open my butt cheek up with a local anesthetic and check the wires.

So anyway, if I missed something, maybe it was in one of the original notes I had made.