is it really getting to this?

Good morning,
How is your day going so far? Well I had an interesting evening last night. I turned out to be the Designated Driver for a couple of people. Well, the first one of the evening was actually a date. A friend of my pop's needed a date for her company Christmas party. She's older and I had met her for the first time a few days ago, we had lunch the next day and agreed to go to the party. So I went and picked her up at her place up river from town. We went straight to the party at an Elk's Lodge back in town. We got there just in time to have a good parking spot, had no real wait at the bar for a drink, and got a good seat at a table up front so we could see everything. They stared off with a Prime Rib, Chicken breast dinner that actually was not impressive. I couldn't cut my steak or even the chicken breast with my steak knife. I can't cut a steak for shit in the first place unless it's very, very tender, ok, unless I make it. Yes, of course, I'm an amazing cook. Well, I use to be, I can't do too much other than boxed pasta or just a plain meat. Before the accident, I used to cook all the time. I would have dinner parties where I did all the cooking, from prep work to clean up. But anymore, I struggle with rinsing out my coffee cup.
Again because of the Implant shorting out. My hand and fingers have gotten soooooooo much more tender to the touch.
Ok, back to the events of last night. After the party had pretty much wrapped up, a bunch of people went to the local casino to do some more partying. My date, Joanne, and I went also and we found the group she knew and we sat with them. I met a handful of people, but I did meet this lady Meagan, absolutely beautiful. I don't see a future with her or anyone else for that matter. Nobody wants to be with someone that has to deal with what I'm going through. So anyway, I drank coffee all night because of my meds and I also volunteered to be designated driver since I was the sober one. Joanne was about done for the night so I took her home and went back to the casino to see if this one young lady still needed a ride back to her car at the Elks, and yes, I suppose to see Meagan again. I looked and looked and didn't see her, until this girl Liz was ready to leave. And as we were on our way out, I saw Meagan at the bar where I just walked passed coming back in. but I wasn't looking for her there, I was I guess expecting to see her over by the stage where the group was at initially. Too I didn't say I was coming back. Well that doesn't matter anyway, so I went ahead and took Liz back to the Elks' for her to get her car.

Well that was my evening, was fun. I'm so tired still. I'm going to lay down, maybe make a bowl of cereal and lay back down for a bit. This implant isn't working, but I'm still having headaches from it. The battery implant is still so sore to even touch it while pulling up underwear, shorts, or pants. It's been more than 2 months. Too the center of my back, where they had put the other incision to help feed the wires from my neck to the battery, I had an itch the other day right where that scar is. I barely touched it and I got a sharp pain that sent me just about through the ceiling. I couldn't even sit back in a chair, lay down, nothing because of that one little spot. It isn't as bad right now, my hand is bothering me more than anything, but that spot is still tender to the touch.

Heads are going to start to roll because I can't deal with this pain anymore. I'm fucking losing it. I want my hand removed. For good.


11:30am Fuuuuck, I just had such a bad burst of bad energy in my left hand's ring finger in the middle knuckle. The only way I can describe the pain on this incident is if you could imagine taking a regular stick pin and it being pushed into the middle of the knuckle. Now too, this burst of pain, bad energy, evil energy, whatever you want to call it. I kind of refer to it as the latter, EVIL ENERGY, is all aside from the CRUSHING sensation I already have in my hand and the multiple and countless bursts of BAD ENERGY that I feel 24/7 and its gotten so much worse since my implant quit working. Well, back to the topics of the day

1:14pm man, this is such bullshit. Another burst of evil energy, this time into my middle finger and base of ring finger on the palm side of my hand. It felt like it was being pinched, like by a pair of pliers or something. It's eased up a little, at least enough for me to get back to typing with my index finger.

1:24pm this burst was in my little finger, on the palm side again. Another pinching sensation of the skin along the length of my finger. This is making me sick. I get these feelings 24/7 and it's just getting worse.