Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

5:47 AM

Good Morning. Well right now it's 5:44am, I was up actually about 20 min's ago. I did have my alarm clock set for right now as a matter of fact, 5:45. I actually went to bed at 1:30 and I don't think I was up much longer cause I was so tired. I do remember waking up once, but so briefly, I don't know why. I didn't have to pee and I don't recall hearing anything.

Well the coffee is done and after making my first cup, I did something I hadn't done in I think more than a year and a half. It may sound stupid, cause I think so, but I tried to even just hold my cup by the handle with my left hand. With my cup FULL, I can't do it. It not only hurts my hand, but I don't have any coordination to keep the cup steady or upright. I do recall one day over a year ago that I was actually able to hold my coffee cup, but I wasn't able to tip it to take a sip. I tried just now to just hold my cup, but I had a really hard time of it. It's only half full. So I don't know if it was the weight or what. But I so wish being able to drink from using my left hand. If I am sitting at my desk and writing, with my right hand. I should not have to drop whatever in my right hand so I can take a sip of coffee, or juice, water, soda or anything for that matter. This sucks so much.

Ok, I'm getting in shower and getting on the road.

I hope some of you got some rest last night, love you all.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

12:22 AM

Ok, it's actually still the 29th for me, but it is after midnight. I've got so many different things I'm trying to do at the same time. Work on my drawings, and I've started another new one even though I've still got about a half dozen to finish. Aside from that, re-filing all of my crap from work comp to just my bills. So I straightened that shit up, for now. And trying to just organize my desk. My pops made a comment the other day when he was talking to somebody, I forget, but he said that I'm cluttered in my room. Well I didn't want to have to paint this big picture as  to how I went from a 3 bedroom house, 2 car garage, down to a 'common' bathroom and my one bedroom. What furniture I couldn't sell, I gave away and now here I sit, from day to day, night to night, with as little of my own original furniture I had almost 2 years ago. So if my 8 x 10 room is cluttered, bug fucking deal, it's all I have left. But when I look at just my dad's kitchen and dining room. Just those two rooms mind you, have more clutter than my room has had on its worst day. I try to straighten stuff up and get my pop's to maybe try to do things differently, but he won't change. So I do try and make the occasional change and I've gotten him to make a few adjustments. But I have to work slow or it won't happen.

But then he has Debbie, the gold digger. Yes I said it. Gold Digger. So far, within one year, and now mind you, Cyndi, my dad's wife of 30 some years had just passed away in May of 2010. now let me look at my watch, umm, ok, yep, about what I thought, my watch says the same thing. It's only March, well, ok, April 1st is what, tomorrow or something.  So, so far she has accomplished to convincing my dad to just disregard and constructive criticisms I may have that she could use, but if I do something and she doesn't like it, it's ok for her to whine to pop's.

I just have to deal with her as long as it takes for pops to realize that she's going to try and weasel her way out of stuff, like RENT. She started sleeping over this past week or so but when pop's is at work, I'm home, so by all means, GO HOME TO YOUR APARTMENT. But if she fails to produce her rent check at any point, it's going to be interesting to see how this plays out.

Ok, I'm getting tired, a little, but I need to get to bed. I have to be on the road by 8am and last night I didn't sleep for shit.

So let's see how well I keep up with the blogs now, I need to fill you in on how this implant has been doing. So I'll catch p with you all later.

Love you all, and I'm sorry I haven't been posting but it does seem that some things are starting to work out with this new doctor I have.

Alright, ciao.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

6:37 AM

GOOD MORNING, WELL IT'S  6:37 AM. I WOKE UP ABOUT 10 MINUTES AGO, FOR THE LAST TIME. WENT OUT AND START COFFEE AND DID MY MORNING BUSINESS IN THE BATHROOM.

WELL A FEW HOURS AGO, I GOT SO TIRED OF WAKING UP SO MUCH THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, I THOUGHT I'D CHECK OUT TO SEE HOW MANY TIMES BY WRITING IT DOWN. I USED PENCIL SO I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH OF IT WILL COME THROUGH WHEN I SCAN IT BUT IF I NEED TO, I'LL TRANSCRIBE IT.

4am, I think it's the 30th. I do know after thinking a moment that its Tues. But who gives a shit. I'm FUCKING AWAKE AND I'M SO TIRED. This is like the 3rd time I've woke up tonight, and I don't have a hard-on and I don't have to pee. I might by the time I'm done writing this.

OK, so that brings up why am I writing on this note book in the first place.

I just dozed off, for a minute. Some odd dream about latin football. This (not sure) I came out of I think a bathroom wondering how I got there. Then this ball rolls toward me. I here {hear} (in latin) someone asking for the ball. And with all my heart,  don't recall if I threw it up to him, kicked it, or just left it sit there and walked away.

Anway, I am so freaken tired, I keep dozing off as I take these 'pause'. Which also means

That with each 'pause', comes a short (in my mind) video of a dream.

I'll describe them as best I can but instead of just a short 'doze', I want to fuckin sleep, I just doze again- and again.

Anyway I'm out officially right now until when ever

550am thirsty as hell

627am not sure why, but bad h/b & thirsty & te.

And if you can translate any of what I wrote that doesn't make sense to you, let me know.

We'll see how this goes tomorrow night

I was up and down all night, and it has been like this for so long, even though I'm scribbling these little notes with various times, I still get this feeling that people, like my doc's, don't believe me when I tell them I'm up half the night. Even when I take these god forsaken sleeping pills. So when I ask them for something stronger to get me a solid night sleep, what do I do? I tell them I'm still up most of the night and then I'm so tired in the afternoon. Like yesterday, I laid down around 2:30pm and didn't wake up 6:45pm. Well shit, at least I got about 4 hours of sleep straight through. I think that's the longest stretch I've slept for awhile..

Well, until I come up with something else to write, I'll catch you later.

3/28/2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

11:41 PM

Here this month is just about over and I can remember just saying in the beginning of Feb that that month is going to be half over and on to summer, or something like that.

Well anyway, March is just about over and here we are into April. Crazy.

There has been a lot of things going on. Either direction you want to choose from too. One pretty cool thing is, and that is I'm buying CD's. Music CD's. I've always told myself that the radio was just fine, but I guess I've gone passed the radio. Over the last almost 2 months, I've bought like 20 disc's.  A couple were double CD's, but I'm not buying them at 15-20 buck a pop. Hell no, I'm a cheap ass. I go to Wal-Mart and buy the $5.00 one's, lol. The Music is still good, it's just not the current songs of the artists, Chesney, Strait, even Journey and Stevie Ray Vaughn.

So anyway, yes I guess that means I'm coming out of the stone age.

I was sitting here starting to create a new filing system for the increasingly amount of paperwork I'm getting from all of the different doctors I have and too, I think maybe my Psyche is getting under more control than it has been for quite some time because when I look at my files, it's just a mess and I'm not usually like that.

The reason I'm going through my files from the doctors and whoever else is because I have already caught my physical therapists in a lie every time I went there, regarding my pain level. And then too I just caught one of my main doctors, Dr. Lai, in another lie. At least in some sort anyway. I'm seeing a new pain management doctor now named Dr. Rho and he mentioned my having RSD, and all of a sudden these alarms started going off in my head. I remember sitting in the office at Dr. Lai's on one visit and he stone cold looked at me square in the face and said that I don't have RSD. Thus one of the reasons I wanted to go through my paperwork/files and do some research. Sure enough, I found a number of reports from Dr. Lai saying something or other about me and my RSD.

3/28/2011 8:08 AM Monday

OK, JUST WOKE ABOUT 15MIN AGO. I SLEPT LIKE SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE. I WOKE UP A COUPLE TIME FOR THE BATHROOM, BUT WOKE UP A

FEW MORE TIMES JUST BECAUSE IT'S THE WAY I'VE BEEN SLEEPING LATELY. LIKE FOR THE PASSED COUPLE YEARS. BUT ANYWAY, I WOKE UP TO

MY DAD'S DOGS BARKING, YELPING, AND WHINGING ALONG WITH WHATEVER ELSE KIND OF FUCKING NOISE THY CAN MAKE AND WITH NO

THANKS TO NOT JUST POPS. HE DOESN'T DO THAT KIND OF THING WITH THE DOGS IF SOMEONE IS SLEEPING, BUT HIS NEW FOUND LOVE

DEBBIE GETS THE DOGS GOING. NOT GIVING A SHIT WHO'S HERE, DOING WHATEVER. BUT WAIT. TOMORROW, OR WHENEVER THE NEXT TIME

DEBBIE STAYS OVER, AND I HAPPEN TO GET UP BEFORE HER, I MAY JUST GET THE DOGS BARKING MYSELF. SHE SLEPT IN YESTERDAY, BUT I WAS AND AM ALWAYS CURTIOUS ENOUGH TO NOT MAKE ANY NOISE UNTIL EVERYONE IS UP.

3/28/2011 7:58 PM

THIS MORNING I WENT TO BREAKFAST WITH MY POPS OVER AT THIS PLACE CALLED COACHES. SO WE ARE JUST CHILLILNG, WATCHING A BIT OF TV AND TALKING ABOUT THIS OR THAT.

AND NOW SEE HERE'S THE VERY FUCKED UP PART THAT YEAH, WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE. BUT MY DAD IS PUSSY WHIPPED. GOD HELP ME IF I'M EVER BACK IN THAT POSITION AGAIN. MY LAST TIME GOT ME MARRIED, SCREWED, AND DIVORCED. BUT THIS TIME WITH MY DAD, IT'S MAKING ME SICK.

BUT AFTER THINKING ABOUT IT, I'M NOT GOING TO WAISTE MY TIME DESCRIBING HOW MUCH OF A PAIN IN THE ASS SHE IS OR HOW I STILL THINK SHE IS TRYING TO GET INTO MY DAD'S FINANCIAL'S SOMEHOW.

RIGHT NOW SHE IS RENTING ONE OF THE APARTMENTS. AND DOING THE OCCASIONAL SLEEP OVER MORE AND MORE LATELY. WELL THE TRUTH WILL PREVAIL WHEN THIS MONTH'S RENT COMES DUE AND IF SHE PAYS IT OR NOT.

ALRIGHT, WELL LET ME MOVE ON. SO FAR THE IMPLANT IS STILL WORKING. IT'S ACTUALLY DOING IT'S JOB I THINK. THE ONLY THING IS, I CAN'T SLEEP WITH IT ON. JUST IMAGINE BEING HOOKED UP TO AN ELECTRICAL CHARGE AT VARIOUS POINTS OF YOUR BODY AND AS YOU MOVE DURING YOUR SLEEP, YOU GET ZAPPED WITH A CHARGE OF CURRENT, SOME MORE EXTREME THAN OTHERS. BUT THE CURRENT ITSELF IS A PAIN IN THE ASS.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Thursday, March 24, 2011

5:23 AM

My dreams since the implant

This bullshit with Debbie staying over, so if that becomes more regular, is she no longer going to pay rent?

How my surgery went on the 18th

Melissa programmed my implant

Dreams, especially after Melissa programmed unit, this last time.

My visit with Dr. Rho and Debbie, the rep working out of Rho's and also Bergey's  office. I think her name is Debbie

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Sunday, March 06, 2011

9:24 AM

Well, it's about time. I must have rattled some cages last week because out of the blue, i got a call from my insurance company wanting updates on my mailing address and wanted to know if I had any specific questions. half joking and 3/4 being serious, I asked him how much overtime he could put in if I really got into my list of questions and concerns.

But instead of that, at least I got the name, number and email address of my adjuster handling my case. well, the adjuster this month anyway. I think she officially makes my 4th adjuster. But either way, I have a name.

Now back to the cage I rattled. I had been referred to a new pain management doctor by my surgeon 2, maybe 3 months ago and I have heard nothing. So this call I got the other day from my adjuster's assistant, in keeping my list to just a couple of things, I expressed how I needed that referral to go through, and oddly enough, I got a call from the office of the referred doctor

Feb 27, 2010

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Sunday, February 27, 2011

4:31 AM

I know I hadn't written much lately, especially this last month. Mostly because of the amount of pain that has increased, not just where I've been having problems, but now, and I think I've even made mention before. My neck is causing me some kind of neurological shocking's that go through my neck, shoulders, down into my arms and has even gone down to my feet a couple times. I can just make a simple turn while walking, reaching for something in the fridge, it doesn't matter and then too there is no sign of when I'll have another "shock". It's almost paralyzing.

On top of that, the battery in my ass cheek is causing me more discomfort than I thought it should. Even if the unit was working, I don't get it, the area where my battery is, is so sensitive and even to just lay down.