My continuing Education

Good mid morning to all. here we go, as soon as I am finished writing and posting this blog, and refilling my coffee cup, I need to get cracking on my workshops. It isn't that they are required but I did sign up for them, at the last minute too though, so why not hold onto tradition, right.
The three workshops are suppose to get me ready for some of what is to come and/or refresh what I may have forgotten over the last 100 years or so.
Okay, I'm out for now, my student adviser just called and I told him I was reading, so I really need to be reading.
Ciao, Love To All Of You

Catching up with everyone

Well I would love to say that I'm doing a lot better than I was. Part of the reason I haven't posted anything in a while is because for one, I started going to college on line at the University of Phoenix a couple of weeks ago. And too, the not so good news is my health. I've gotten worse and it's all because of the implant in my neck. Something they did when they put it into/onto my spine, caused some spinal chord damage, that's from one doctor, and I still need to see a neurologist because the Implant is causing me to have neurological spasms from neck to toe at any given moment. I get about an hour or two of sleep at night and that makes me so tired throughout the day. Plus the meds that I'm on. I am so tired of just having to go through all of this.
Most of the time I can't even grab the 1/2 gallon carton of milk out of the fridge without have to use both hands. So many times I have to have help opening a bottle of water and Too I need to use both hands to take a drink because of the nerve spasms I've been having.
I figured out what has been causing it lately. On August 1st I had an EMG, or a nerve conduction test and the doctor couldn't eve get started. He did a test before the actual test on the heal of my left hand, and it zapped me so intensely that I curled up into the fetal position and yes, I'll admit it, I cried, but I cried out. I know that if I were a patient waiting in the lobby, I would have probably gotten up and left. But all kidding aside, I have never felt such an excruciating pain before in my life. Just that one little pin prick to check for continuity. dam near killed me, okay, it hurt so bad I thought I was being pulled apart.

Okay, well now you know where I'm at. I'll let you know if anything changes.
I Love You Guys.

First my left arm, then my left leg, and then my right arm, and back to my legs.

Friday, September 02, 2011

3:07 PM

Good afternoon, okay, that’s only partially true. And partially good. But it is the afternoon.  I went and got my car serviced, so that’s a good thing, it's running good, not that it was running bad, but you know how you can just tell. Your vehicle sort of becomes a part of you after a while. You can tell when something isn't right or when it gets better. But I was due for service anyway. 

I wish it was that simple actually, I haven't been serviced in a couple of years, haha. Bad joke, I know.

Well if you're up to speed with my blog you should be familiar with my implant from my neck causing me a great deal of problems in my right arm. Well after today I realized that there is a relationship between what is going on with my right arm and what I felt just after the implant was put into my neck back on 9/29/10, my legs and lower back were acting strange. There were even several times where one or the other of my legs would try and go out from under me while I was walking. I didn't think much of it at the time. Even right now, I just thought of the incident back on 

Now I'm dealing with my arm having these paralytic actions to them. I cannot even control these things that my right arm is doing. I am dominant with my right hand and so I write with it. Well my writing is getting worse, so it's a good thing I'm typing this, lol.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful time this weekend. And be safe. This SUCKS, lol, I live on the River and I can't even enjoy it because of all this crap. So I want all of you to enjoy what I can't, and like I said, be safe, you don't want this.

I love you all, talk more soon………….. 

Saturday, August 27, 2011

3:34 PM

Hey everybody. Now I've mentioned before I'm constantly fighting this dam headache, but you know what really sucks is when it gets worse than it was.

Poor Billings, Mt Little League Team. They were so close to winning  but too, to have made it this far for the first time in their history. They did really good. Props and Kudos to those kids.

Well my hand and arm are getting worse, and I just don't know what's going on with my rib cage on my right side. It all feels really numb and when I'm in the shower, it doesn't matter if it's hot, warm, or even cold water, but it feels like the water is hitting raw flesh and cutting into my body. It's hard enough to use the shower in the first place because when the water hits my left hand or forearm, it feels like I'm getting sliced up all over again.

Okay, enough for today, my head is killing me and I cannot hold on to these pencils anymore.

Love You all, until next time.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

7:48 PM

What's going on everyone? I'm just hanging out watching "World's Toughest Fixes".

Pretty cool show and I would love to have Sean Riley's job. I was watching one the other day and he was on a Cruise Ship. First he had to do whatever work to fix it for the sow, but then he took the Cruse for a week, at least.

Anyway, on to other topics of more importance, to me anyway. Some of you might

remember I had a Doctor's appointment on August 1st. That was a review of my case by a neutral medical examiner. We talked for a couple of hours at least and he had me run through some tests to see how well or how much I can do. He told me that he was going to write up his report and send it only to the Insurance Company and my Attorney but if I wanted a copy, request one from my Attorney. Well I just got the Doctor's report today. I swear it's got to be 75-100 pages. I wants the original surgeons to open me back up again in my arm and examine what's not correct. That is going to suck, cause he says specifically to go back over the incisions that they made the first time. But I don't know what he expects them to do with the laceration, if they need to open it up the way it was cut by the mirror.

You will have to excuse me for my typing, my right hand is cramping up again so I

am having to hold a pencil and use the eraser to type. I'm already doing it with my left hand because my index finger just kills me after just a couple of characters.

Let's see, Monday was my last note. So let me brief you on just a few thing over the

last couple days. I guess after thinking about it, it's all pretty much the same. I think Tues I only got about and hour and a half of sleep but that’s pretty much my everyday situation. Okay, I'm so sick of being this way, on to other things.

Well I don't know how much any of you read but I'm in the middle of reading this

really long series of books by Lee Child. The main character's name is Jack Reacher. He's a 13 year retired veteran from the Army as a Major in the Military Police. He keeps finding himself coming up on situations where he has to use his covert experiences to catch a bad guy, and other skills to fall in love but not be able to keep the relationship going because he is a loner. He goes from town to town, he has plenty of money, but he picks up little jobs like digging holes for a swimming pool or something. Let me see, I think there is around 16 novel's, I'm on like #10. Not sure of the number but the novel is called "Persuader". It's about the only one that I've read in this series that started out a little slow, but it's picking up pace. I'm only 1/3 the way through. So far it looks like one of the larger novels.

So let's talking about reading, how many of you are using the Nook, which is what use.

Or are you using the Kindle or some other E-Reader format? I would love to hear what any of are using and how well you like or dislike what your using. But too, if your still just reading out of the actual book, that’s cool, but is it the paperbacks or hardbacks?

Alright, I will catch up with you guys later, let me know this reading stuff. 

Or just come in and say HI

Another Burst of bad energy

Monday, August 22, 2011

11:21 PM

Hey you guys, I hope all is well. I'm doing better now than I was a couple hours ago. I had

dinner around 6:30pm and I came back to my room to start working on my mileage logs, I'm like 6 months behind, plus meal receipts, hotel receipts. I should be getting some pretty good money, once I get it that is.

Anyway, just babbling. After dinner I'm sitting at my desk and all of a sudden I get this

stabbing/cutting sensation in the palm of my right hand and it was just killing me. I could barely open any of my med bottles, but I was able to slam a couple methadone and an oxycontin. I laid down and took a nap until, what was it, 11:00. took me about 20 min or so to get my act together and to write this down.

I have still got this crushing sensation throughout my whole hand and the amount of 

pressure is no different then when I first started feeing it after the accident. Some of it I have just gotten use to, most of it still haven't happened yet. At least I don't believe so, especially now sine the implant in my neck has been shorting out my own electrical nervous system. Some of you might remember May 5th of this year where every Doctor that examined me from here in Parker to Las Vegas thought I had a Stroke. So because of a system implanted into my body, had my whole family freaking out wondering what was going on with me apparently having a dam stroke and the Doctors not listening to me while I'm tell them that the problem was more than likely from my neck. But they too had their hands tied. Because of implant in my neck, they couldn't do an MRI. The MRI would have ripped the implant straight out of my neck. But as time went by, I did start to get more movement, at least a small percentage anyway, of movement in my left hand. Up to this point, I did have a very small percentage of funtionability in my left hand, and by the time I left the hospital, I had a small percentage of my original small percentage of mobility back into my hand. My left leg I would say I had about 30% but they gave me a modified walker to use to get around. Fortunately I only needed it for about another 3 or 4 days and my leg was fine. But I am still having other problems where I need a Urologist but for some reason none of my doctors are sending me to anyone, at least not yet. I'll call my lawyer tomorrow and puss some buttons.

Okay, now off of that, I'm tired of trying to describe what's going on with my body. I'll

keep you posted of any serious issues or changes.

Now how many of you have seen the show "American Ninja Warrior? I've seen it a few

years back, but it was on just today, but I DVR'd it and I'm watching it now. So I'm going to post this, and I'll get back to you guy's later.

Thank you all, I love you for your support.

I don't know what's going on, but I'm getting worse

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Sunday, August 21, 2011

11:56 AM

I don't know what's going on, but I'm getting worse.

Well, the symptoms are this; earlier when I woke up, I went the kitchen to have some coffee and I couldn't even pick up my coffee cup unless I used both hands, typing is getting worse. I am back to wearing my glove on my left hand again 24/7. I was at least able to just use the tip of my left index finger and I could type normal and fairly fast with my right hand, with out looking at the key board until I had to use my left hand. Well because my left hand is getting so much more tender to the touch, my index finger isn't working for me to use to "hunt & peck" if you will. So with my glove on, I obviously cannot use my fingers, so now I have to hold a pencil with the eraser to use to hit the keys. Even just using the pencil in my left hand, my right hand is getting more and more fatigued to move my fingers around so I cannot tell what keys I am hitting. My wrist is also getting  fatigued and just lifting my arm to type correctly, my whole right arm twitches and flinches and flexes. It jumps around too much to keep control my hand.

I just got out of the shower, because of what my implant is doing to my motor skills, I had a hard time just trying to bath. I first washed my hair and I could barely hold onto the bottle, open the flip-top and still trying to hold the bottle , I had to more so than not, wait for the shampoo to just flow out into my hand. Using my right arm to reach the top of my head, made my right arm squirmy. I could barely massage my scalp with my right hand because of my arm and I could barely move left hand through my hair because of the sensitivity, just my wet, and short hair hurts the surface of my hand.

I have been using a fairly long brush to wash my body with and today was a struggle. Typically I would just use my right hand to scrub myself down and it worked pretty good because of it's length. Today I could not hold the handle to the brush with either hand.
Then the last thing I do is shave my beard into whatever pattern I decide or whatever. Well today my right hand was shaking so much that all I could do was clean up my neck a little bit.

Even right now my right hand, I'm only able to type with a pencil in my right hand

WHAT IN HELL IS GOING ON.

Last night I nodded off to sleep every now and then but I didn't actually crawl into bed to sleep until after 4:30am. See what I mean, I have another posting at 3:30am that I had forgotten about. And there alone is more proof that something is wrong, I hardly sleep, I forget some of the most current thing I have done.

Well, I'm starving, so I'm going to get some lunch. Love you all.

Movie Time

Well I just got done watching a movie call "Dear John". Dam romantic movie's and tear jerkers. Anyway it was a pretty good movie, Savannah was absolutely adorable. She had one of those smiles you just cannot quit looking at in admiration. Anyway, good movie.
So I tried to do some reading but  there is just too much on my mind about what I need to get done. So I am going to start on some of that, paperwork. I'll be here, If  you want text me or even call, my number is 760-578-7010. Interrupt me, I hate paperwork.
Ciao, for now

Test blog, trying to see if my mobile blog is set right, cross your fingers

Catching up from yesterday

I got back home from the gym yesterday after 6, I think around 6:15. Anyway, Jason made dinner and  after eating I just hung out in my room and ended up falling asleep around midnight, but then I woke up again about 2:30, stayed up for a few, maybe a half hour. I laid back down and and then I woke up again around 5:oo AM. I can't keep going on like this. I would love to get more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep at one time. I do have to go to the bathroom just about every time I wake up. It makes me wonder if the implant in my neck isn't the cause of that. I told that to JZ, the PA at my surgeons office and I also told my attorney. Hopefully he can find me a Malpractice Attorney to look into this. Another doctor even thinks that there is some spinal cord damage. 
     12:30 PM well, I'm tired, my left hand is killing me, my right hand isn't doing what it's suppose to. It is so difficult to type. 
     I'll talk to you all later, My Love To All Of You.

I know, it has been a few months since I've posted anything, but there have been some new developments in my injury from work. So here we go, I'll get caught up on what's going on. I also want to point out, that the misspelled words to follow, I left it that way because that is what I am going through.

Good morning. Right now it is 3:58 AM, 8/10/2011. I woke up about a half hour ago and haven't been able to get back to sleep, yet anyway and I've already been awake a couple of times this night in the first place.

I wanted to get this written down while I was first of all thinking about it and so that you are familiar with what's going on.

I know you'll get your report from Dr. Mandel eventually and since I don't remember what we spoke about over the phone, I'll try and fill you in again here..

When we spoke last week after my appointment with Dr. Mandel I remember you calling me I think on Tuesday, but I don't recall the majority of our conversation. After I returned home from the QME on Tuesday, I laid down and went to bed but I don't recall what time. I remember my phone ringing and speaking to you, but as I said, I don't recall but a couple of things that I filled you in on from the QME. But as I said, when I laid down and went to bed on Tuesday, I didn't get out of bed again until Friday, at least from what I remember. Then too that was just to go to the bathroom. If I had gotten up before Friday, I don't remember and I feel that going from Tuesday to Friday and not going to the bathroom, something is wrong there. Along with not going to bathroom, I didn't eat. The pain, discomfort and stress that I had endured during the electrical test on Monday, I shut down. I normally sleep a few hours and wake up and go back to sleep for an hour or so and up and down. It wears me out not being able to sleep on my own. But the doctors just keep giving me drugs to help with that and even then the pills don't seem to help me get actual rest from what sleep I do get.

8/10/2011 2:24 PM

This letter is also going to be done over the next few days or so. There are several reasons why, one is my lack of concentration.  For example, yesterday I started this and it did take me a bit to write that much but I lost focus.

One thing I wanted to bring up is something I'm experiencing now. I just noticed a little something strange yesterday but I didn't think much of it but my right hand is feeling very strange in the sense that I'm also having trouble writing and I don't know if it's caused from the spinal cord damage. But every time I look upward or feel a strain in my neck and shoulders from looking upward, my hands, arms, shoulders and my general focus is all disrupted

8/10/2011 8:24 PM

Just a quick note, maybe. I just sat down to help do some things for my Dad on my computer. He's a Deputy and has an automatic recorder and he wants me to clean it up and unload some of the recordings/files so that he has more space again because it was  full, no more room to record I guess. What I'm getting at is that when I picked up my pen in my right hand, it's fine, but when I position the pen in my hand to get ready to write, my hand starts to feel weak when I begin to press down with my index finger and begin to write.

Even when I use the mouse and try to press down on the left button with my index finger. I don't know when this started or how long this "weakness" has been in my hand. Since I don't do too much throughout my day like a job, I just noticed this a few days ago.

8/11/2011 11:22 PM

Good evening, I was just thinking about Dr. Mandel saying that, well for one that he was surprised that I hadn't seen a neurologist yet but he was also telling me that he wanted to make sure that I did see a neurologist. So I wanted to mention to that doctor, and to you while I have you here. Too at my next appointment with Dr. Rho, the pain management doctor, I need to make sure I tell him the following. For quite some time, at least the last 4 or 5 months I've been having problems with really sensitive parts of my body. For example, on my right side of my rib cage area and on the left side of my stomach, and including but not limited to the back of my left shoulder, the skin is so sensitive to not just the touch for bathing, but I cannot even let the water hit me directly while in the shower in those areas. Let alone if I have to scratch those areas or more, it's a feeling that I can only describe as though my skin was coming off while I'm scratching it or while in the shower, the water is washing my skin off like fresh paint.

I do wish I had remembered to tell all of this to Dr. Mandel. Is there anyway I can call him and amend my session with him with these notes or this information?

Another thing I wanted to know, seeing as how Dr. Mandel diagnosed me with some spinal cord damage from the implant in my neck. He had me do some stuff like reach my arms straight out or to the side,

8/12/2011 12:57 PM

Mr. Flickenger, as you have notice I'm sure, I've "inserted" specific dates and especially the times so that you see that on an average few days, every week, and every month that I have been going through for the last three plus years.

This specific "time" is one minute after I just had a "SURGE" or what I've been calling them, "BURST OF BAD ENERGY". But I guess a better sense of what I'm trying to describe is more like a surge of electricity in my forearm that travels into my hand and explodes and randomly, one of my fingers explodes. I never know which finger, it happens so fast that it was so hard to tell what came first.

8/12/2011 1:12 PM

Here is another "surge" if you will, but this time in my thumb. I had just felt another SURGE go from the heel of my left hand and then a shot down the outside of my left thumb. I don't feel just the Surge into my thumb, but after the surge it's more like a fiery, burning sensation and I even get this sensation visualized as if my hand had been dragged along some gravel.

8/12/2011 2:47 PM

Nightmare and I freaked out in bathroom, after falling asleep for a few minutes while on the toilet. This first line was just a quick note so that I would remember specifics from this moment. Also, this was the time after I returned from the bathroom.

This wasn't the first time, but I had dozed off while sitting on the toilet. But only until this last couple of weeks, I have been having daytime dreams/nightmares and even flashbacks.

I had dozed off on the toilet before and only until this last 2 weeks I have been having these flashbacks or conscious dreams where I visualize the accident all over again. I have been telling the story of what happened several times, over and over and over and over. Now, all of a sudden I am having these very, very vivid dreams. But I'm wide awake.

But just now, before I came in and made these notes, I got up from my catnap on the toilet and worked my way to the bathroom door. But I stopped short and just stood there. The next thing I know, I'm waking up and in doing so, I'm shaking, trying to keep my balance and trying to get my bearings. When I open my eyes, I freaked out even more so because all I saw was me in the mirror and blood everywhere. The longer I keep my eyes open, the clearer my vision gets. It isn't so blood red as it was when I first woke up while standing at the door of the bathroom.

8/12/2011 3:05 PM

I gave up until I jump in the shower. Hopefully, I'll be able to pee then, yes, I did say that. I know, it's a fairly personal matter in a typical conversation, but this information isn't typical. Being able to actually have that feeling of accomplishment is major for me. Ever since May 5th when the implant in my neck caused the paralysis in my left leg and left hand, I have not been able to pee comfortably. The hospital staff in Parker put the catheter in me and for that week I was in the hospital, I didn't have to be concerned about going pee.

After getting home from the hospital, I received 2 cases of self use/administered catheter kits. I've already used one case and I just got into the 2nd case. My abdomen begins to get bloated and swelled up or something. My urge to go pee is incredible but whe I stand over the toilet, NOTHING happens. I typi

I want and need to know if the spinal cord damage done to my neck from the implant, along with causing the paralysis to my left leg and left hand, did it cause any damage to my prostate or anything NEUROLOGICALLY?

8/12/2011 6:15 PM

Well here is more of what I have been going through. I had been sitting on the toilet trying to go to the bathroom, (number 2), because of all of the pills I'm on, I'm constipated and really "gassy" so I don't know what's what, and I don't want to take a chance and so I'll sit down. While 'm sitting, I am not always able to pee. So once I'm done with (number 2), I'll stand up, turn around, and hopefully finish peeing from there.

But that scenario has been happening for the last 4 or 5 months. But this is another problem I've had. Because of my hand being in the condition it's in, constant pain and numb and tingly, so much that I forgot my phone was resting in my left palm until I heard a "SPLASH". That sound was my phone going in the toilet. Because I do not get a lot of sleep, this is why I keep nodding off while sitting and even standing at the toilet.

This problem again brings me to question whether or not the implant in my neck isn't causing me to have these problems with prostate. Because ever since May 5th when I had the numbness and atrophy  in my left leg and left hand, I've been having serious problems going pee and nobody has sent me to anyone to have that checked out. I have to still at various times use a self catheter to empty my bladder and it has been 3 months since my paralysis

8/12/2011 10:37 PM

Damn, I thought I was done having these other surges, like the one I just had. I have told PA's and doctors about this and I'll describe it the best I can here But all I get from the medical staff that I have told is, "we'll check it out but it's probably nothing". Bottom line, nobody has checked it out. But here it is.

I'll feel this "JOLT", or "SHOCK" at the most random times. I can be just sitting still, or I can be out walking. I've felt it without turning my head, but too, I'll feel it with a slight turn of my head. I've even sat still, turning my head to try and ignite the sensation but I couldn't get anything going intentionally.

But this is what I feel; it typically begins at the base of my neck or as low as my collar bone and it does not effect just one side, it's like it goes right through my core of my neck and up into my head. The "JOLT" has literally hit me so hard that it has blurred my vision so bad that I cannot see. It only lasts for a few seconds. No longer than what one would feel from a big sneeze but this mainly only effects just my shoulder area's, neck and into my head.

8/13/2011 12:07 AM

I'm sitting at my desk, working on my drawings and only until recently I am noticing something weird with my hold on my pen. My fingers almost feel like they're going numb, but yet that may not be accurate. When I hold my pen in my right hand, my index finger feels almost like it's week. Even like I don't have any control over where it is suppose to go. So whatever is going on in my neck, it is greatly effecting my confidence in my ARTWORK.

8/13/2011 1:07 AM

First of all, I'm tired. And when I am this tired, if I am telling you a story, or even just a couple of sentences. Sometimes I have a tendency to slip random sentences in with my current sentence. I may not be describing it as accurately as I am thinking it. Here's another possible scenario. For example, your reading Moby Dick and out of the blue, some random sentence from a book written by James Patterson, sy from

8/13/2011 4:22 AM

I just woke up, but I remember laying down around 2:00 AM and I was very tired and so I'm pretty sure I fell asleep right away.

8/13/2011 6:43 AM

I just woke up and had to go to the bathroom. But now I'm getting worried because I'll have these great urges to go pee but I'm getting worried that I won't be able to go, I'll have to use the catheter again.

8/13/2011 9:01 AM

8/13/2011 11:53 AM

Perfect example of the amount of difficulty for me to pee. I just got up off the toilet but I stood there for a good 5 minutes unable to pee. I had the urge to do no. 2 so I sat down and was able to do a little bit of no. 2 but I am still constipated, it's coming out like pellets. I still didn't pee any.

8/13/2011 12:32 PM

I just came out of the bathroom again after trying to go pee. On the way in I didn't think I was going to make it because I had to go so bad. I get in there and lift the lid and the seat, and I'm standing there, waiting, waiting, waiting, and waiting. Nothing happened but the urge for me to have to pee is still there and getting stronger. I had to use the catheter yesterday,

8/13/2011 1:28 PM

Dammit, I lift my head upward and back from my chin now and again and because of the implant in my neck, it sends a whole different type of "Jolt" or "Shock" that any of the other moves, reaches, stretches, whatever. This one feels like it's electrical. But I know for a fact that it isn't because I know that my implant is OFF. And I still have to pee.

8/13/2011 1:35 PM

Lets see if I can pee this time, I'm going now.

2:03 PM nope. I went in to the bathroom and stood there at the2 toilet for about 7 min's and nothing happened, except the to go no. 2. so then I sat down and the urge as strong as ever to go pee. So I sat there, pushing as best as I could. I have got to empty my bladder. My pain level in my has been at a 10 all day as it is, I don't need this shit too where I can't just go pee. If I have to eo

8/13/2011 2:18 PM

Going to bathroom, try this again.

2:24 PM Finally, I was able to relieve some of that pressure inside of me. If I didn't do something soon, I would have had to use a catheter. I can at least relax a bit, at least until the next time. I really hope I don't have to use the catheter.

8/13/2011 3:54 PM

And one more time. This is what I have been going through, more and more. It's still appears to be from what ever happened to me back in May 5th.

4:25 PM, Look at this, it has been a half hour and I hardly got anywhere. I still have that sensation that I have got to go to the bathroom

8/13/2011 5:08 PM

Well I just got out of the shower, and fortunately I was able to pee while in there, and I mean really pee. I was able to get my bladder emptied and feel comfortable when I finished. I have a theory that if I do have to pee in the shower, I'll do it when I first get in there because while I'm washing my hair and the rest of my body, that soap is cleaning up any urine that would be in the bottom of the shower.

But, aside from that. There has got to be something wrong neurologically or whatever. I've noticed this issue before just from scratching an itch. But when I take a shower, at home anyway, I use a long handled brush to wash my body, my back, legs, my right side of my body with my right hand. It looks unusual I think but it works.

Now here is my problem. In using the brush, I don't scrub so hard that it is going to peal my skin off. I have felt this unusual and a lot of times painful sensational

8/13/2011 8:42 PM

Dinner was called at 7:00 PM, I took my time eating and I immediately had to go to the bathroom, no. 1 and no. 2. I ended up spending 45 min's going nowhere and compounding upon the headache I had already been building on.

8/13/2011 9:42 PM

This is utterly crazy. My headache is worse and here I am going to the bathroom every hour or so and still I am unable to pee or take a comfortable crap today. With any luck, I'll at least be able to pee later without having to use another catheter. You see these commercials where these people are re-using their old catheters or something. That's bull shit Mr. Flickenger. I shouldn't even be in this situation with the catheters in the first place. If the implant hadn't evidentially caused the spinal cord damage then my prostate and colon would be working fine in the first place. I knew something was wrong when I would have the implant on and I would have trouble walking. The surges of current

8/13/2011 9:49 PM

A perfect example of my conscious dreams that I have been having. Whatever the dream was, I have no idea. But the part that has been getting me spooked is where one of the chaRACTERS IN THE DREAM EITHER JUST STARTS TO TALK TO ME AND HERE I amanswereing this person or just continueing to converse with them. This time I was asked to look for and grab to this persons/characters red or blue jacket, they could not recall which onr they brought today. I said "sure, let me see, where did you hacve it on last?".

8/13/2011 10:02 PM

Right now, down the  middle of my left hand, in the palm are buyt more like deep into the middlwe, middle of my hand I'm havbiong this sharp, stabbing sensataion and if it finally lg

10:12 PM and the surges in tot

8/13/2011 10:31 PM

The pain in my hand has gotten so bad tonight, my headache is through the roof, my shoulders are so tight from the fear and stress of not knowing if my bladder is going to explode or not. I'm afraid that if I push too hard while trying to take a shit, my stomach is going to fall out on the floor.

This hasn't even been a week.

8/14/2011 12:08 AM

My headache is just killing me. I am going to check and see if I can pee now.

1:29 AM

Yes, my head is still killing me. I go to turn my head and it makes my headache worse and I still could not go piss.

8/14/2011 1:43 AM

Here we go again. My stomach and midsection are unsettled,so it feels like I am going to have a rough bowel movement but my bladder feels full also. B2:00 AM

8/14/2011 2:30 AM

8/14/2011 4:11 AM

8/14/2011 3:32 PM

8/14/2011 11:45 AM

8/14/2011 12:28 PM

pee

8/14/2011 4:09 PM

Oh man, I am sitting at my desk

8/14/2011 4:19 PM

8/14/2011 5:55 PM

Dinner was called and on my way out to get mine, I stopped by the bathroom to see if I could possibly go pee. The urge was there, the pressure was building up pretty good. I believe that if I were normal, I would

8/14/2011 6:32 PM 

8/14/2011 11:03 PM

Experiencing intense, sharp and pinching sensation in my left hand

8/14/2011 11:30 PM

I was hoping the shooting sensations were done, at least for the night. But

Hallucinations. I thought I had the cap to a high end pen in my hand

8/14/2011 11:54 PM

 I have no idea what I just experienced, bur this one was not even close to the 10…….

8/15/2011 12:27 AM

I felt hungry

8/15/2011 12:45 AM

I finished my bowl of cereal,

8/15/2011 2:17 AM

I forgot, yes I forgot,,,,,,,, to fold my clothes that are still on my bed from earlier.

2:53 AM I was just now standing there, trying to straighten out a pair of khaki shorts when I felt a Jolt go though my body. It felt like it started

3:12 AM Whew, got those folded and put away, finally

8/15/2011 3:13 AM

I have got this headache still just killing me. It hasn't gotten any worse, it just will not go away. But I am going to try and go out and go to the bathroom.

3:54 AM I just got back from going to the bathroom, 45 minute's ago

8/15/2011 11:05 AM

Well, I woke up again, but it isn't good this time. My right hand and arm are semi-paralytic and use my right hand to do most of my typing with and now I can hardly omve my fingers.

8/15/2011 11:57 AM

Another attempt at the toilet, brb

12:14 PM Mission accomplished I guess one could say. I'm going to actually lay down,  I cannot type wiith my left hand in the firat place, but my right hand is right now worse. I hope laying down willl hep with that.

I'll make a note when I wake up. Thanks for your time Mr. Flickenger, I won't take up too much more of your time.

8/15/2011 3:46 PM

Just woke up from a short nod off in my chair, but something went wrong in the way I was sitting there. My right hand and arm feel sort of numb and I am having trouble moving my fingers to even type. Too both sides of my tongue are really sore, but I think from stress and me sucking all the moisture out of my mouth. I caught myself doing it and now I'm just trying to consciously not to  do it.

8/15/2011 5:05 PM

I just got up from a nap on my bed this time. My right hand and arm still feel a little numb, I just hope that it doesn't last too much longer.

5:35 PM My brother made dinner, so at the same time I took a bowwl and couple of glasses from my room to the kitchen and in trying to rince them for  dishwasher, I just about freaked out because of the one glass, was glass and  trying it handle gently enough and not get cut. And with my right hand acting like it is, I cannot tell how tight my grip might be or might not be and I end up and drop it and cut myself more.

7:49 PM  My hand still feels really week and I just had a bad energy shoot through my small finger in my left hand.

8:27 PM I have spent the last 30 min's out of the 50 I have been typing up, at least trying to type up my lst comment @ 7:49. I am having the worst time of  it with my right hand acting the way it is. I did take a minute at 7:29 pm to call Dr. Rho, but I knew they were not open today anyway because of the holiday weekend. But I'll call them if this isn't any better tomorrow.

9:21 PM I just would really like to make it thru without any pain.

10:07 PM Son of a bitch. I just bit at a hangnail on my left ring finger. It's bleeding just a little bit but it hurt so incredibaly bad because of the pain in my hand from the dameged nerves and to just touch my hand, that hurts like hell already, bu to pull a hangnail, but it's not even close to the pain discomfort I am going through with everything else.

10:35 PM I needed to take another sleeping aid pill and I too a couple of Somas, but popped them in my mouth and realized my bottle of water was not open and I couldn’t open it. The pills were disoving and tastig so bad.igrabbed a towel to even try and open the bottle. Finallyu after 3 or 4 minutes I get the bottle open. Plain water does not resolve a bad taste in yopur mouth. Going to try a shot of honey to help with the taste in my mouth.

10:44 PM ok, lets see now. I swallowed the mouth full of honey and as I'm sitting here, I think its working. Try some water.

10:47 PM , no change so I am going to pop a Werther's Original and now I'm going to lay. If I don't make any more notes then I had a fair evening. I am going to lay down, if I do happen to get, I'll make an

 8/16/2011 12:40 AM

I woke up from another dream involving glass. So I looked around  my desk, my drawing table, my dresser. Then I hen delor                                                                                 

8/17/2011 3:27 AM

Well at least I was able to go pee this time, but I would have rather been able to get more sleep.

2:36 AM

5:58 AM aaaah, this is making me sick. I'm so tired through out the day.

8/18/2011 1:15 AM

I think I got about 2 1/2 hours of sleep, my arm is actually hurting on the outside of my bicep, like I got hit by something, what I'm not sure but my arm is hurting.

3:18 AM woke up after being restless and having a bad dream

5:42 AM I tried to just stay awake and watch some t.v. shows but ended up falling asleep again.

8:34 AM This really sucks. I would love to get a solid 6 hours of sleep, ideally I would like to get a full 8 or more. But I just don't see it happening.

8/18/2011 11:22 AM

I called Mr. Flickenger's office and left a message with Armando to have

Mr. Flickenger call me as soon as he could. I think he needs to know. Otherwise I will have to talk to another attorney.

8/18/2011 5:02 PM

My dad came in to my room and asked me if I wanted to go with them to the Chamber Mixer. I have been going to quite a few of them, what they are is social gatherings for anyone but mostly for local business owners. I have to say that these gatherings are really the only thing I've done socially since  I've moved out here 2 years ago.  I would have gone but now that my right arm is doing what it is doing, I am embarrassed, I look even more like a freak. So I went to Subway for a sandwich and fortunately it was slow so not many people were around to see me just take a bit of my sandwich because I looked like a freak, and then to take a drink, I have to use two hands just to get it to my mouth.  

8/18/2011 5:28 PM

I had just gotten off the phone with Mr. Flickenger, I explained everything that I could think of and/or remember. We even spoke of a possible mal-practice law suit and he said that he would see about finding someone.

8/18/2011 6:59 PM

I just picked up my prescription that JZ gave me yesterday. It's suppose to help with the nerves or something in my neck.

8/19/2011 4:14 AM I've nodded off a couple of time but now I'm going to finally go to bed. I   

tried a couple of hours ago, but I woke up after about a half hour. Lets see how long this nap lasts.

7:51 AM  well, what was this, 3 1/2 hours but I remember laying in bed after my last note and seeing 5:00 AM go by on my clock before I actually fell asleep. But now I'm up actually I have got to get mu mileage logs done and turned in, it's been awhile. But I am so tired.

8/19/2011 1:07 PM

Son of a Bitch. Two things had just occurred, one was I just went through an aching, throbbing, sharp pain on the inside of my Right wrist. Aside from that sharp pain, as each "throb" pounded in my wrist, I also experienced a sharp pounding in my head. It actually lasted about 4, maybe 5 minutes. 

Finally it stopped, man I don't want to go through that again. I've felt one or the other, One at a time, but not both. That wore me out.

3:30 PM My brother Jason got home and asked me to go with him to the gym at the hospital. I finally decided sure, why not. So we got down there just before 4:00 PM and I hopped on the treadmill and walked for what seemed like forever. Then I got on the bicycle and did that for a while. It felt good. The thing that sucks is that the gym is only open from 3 to 8 during the week and a few hours Saturday morning's.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

5:47 AM

Good Morning. Well right now it's 5:44am, I was up actually about 20 min's ago. I did have my alarm clock set for right now as a matter of fact, 5:45. I actually went to bed at 1:30 and I don't think I was up much longer cause I was so tired. I do remember waking up once, but so briefly, I don't know why. I didn't have to pee and I don't recall hearing anything.

Well the coffee is done and after making my first cup, I did something I hadn't done in I think more than a year and a half. It may sound stupid, cause I think so, but I tried to even just hold my cup by the handle with my left hand. With my cup FULL, I can't do it. It not only hurts my hand, but I don't have any coordination to keep the cup steady or upright. I do recall one day over a year ago that I was actually able to hold my coffee cup, but I wasn't able to tip it to take a sip. I tried just now to just hold my cup, but I had a really hard time of it. It's only half full. So I don't know if it was the weight or what. But I so wish being able to drink from using my left hand. If I am sitting at my desk and writing, with my right hand. I should not have to drop whatever in my right hand so I can take a sip of coffee, or juice, water, soda or anything for that matter. This sucks so much.

Ok, I'm getting in shower and getting on the road.

I hope some of you got some rest last night, love you all.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

12:22 AM

Ok, it's actually still the 29th for me, but it is after midnight. I've got so many different things I'm trying to do at the same time. Work on my drawings, and I've started another new one even though I've still got about a half dozen to finish. Aside from that, re-filing all of my crap from work comp to just my bills. So I straightened that shit up, for now. And trying to just organize my desk. My pops made a comment the other day when he was talking to somebody, I forget, but he said that I'm cluttered in my room. Well I didn't want to have to paint this big picture as  to how I went from a 3 bedroom house, 2 car garage, down to a 'common' bathroom and my one bedroom. What furniture I couldn't sell, I gave away and now here I sit, from day to day, night to night, with as little of my own original furniture I had almost 2 years ago. So if my 8 x 10 room is cluttered, bug fucking deal, it's all I have left. But when I look at just my dad's kitchen and dining room. Just those two rooms mind you, have more clutter than my room has had on its worst day. I try to straighten stuff up and get my pop's to maybe try to do things differently, but he won't change. So I do try and make the occasional change and I've gotten him to make a few adjustments. But I have to work slow or it won't happen.

But then he has Debbie, the gold digger. Yes I said it. Gold Digger. So far, within one year, and now mind you, Cyndi, my dad's wife of 30 some years had just passed away in May of 2010. now let me look at my watch, umm, ok, yep, about what I thought, my watch says the same thing. It's only March, well, ok, April 1st is what, tomorrow or something.  So, so far she has accomplished to convincing my dad to just disregard and constructive criticisms I may have that she could use, but if I do something and she doesn't like it, it's ok for her to whine to pop's.

I just have to deal with her as long as it takes for pops to realize that she's going to try and weasel her way out of stuff, like RENT. She started sleeping over this past week or so but when pop's is at work, I'm home, so by all means, GO HOME TO YOUR APARTMENT. But if she fails to produce her rent check at any point, it's going to be interesting to see how this plays out.

Ok, I'm getting tired, a little, but I need to get to bed. I have to be on the road by 8am and last night I didn't sleep for shit.

So let's see how well I keep up with the blogs now, I need to fill you in on how this implant has been doing. So I'll catch p with you all later.

Love you all, and I'm sorry I haven't been posting but it does seem that some things are starting to work out with this new doctor I have.

Alright, ciao.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

6:37 AM

GOOD MORNING, WELL IT'S  6:37 AM. I WOKE UP ABOUT 10 MINUTES AGO, FOR THE LAST TIME. WENT OUT AND START COFFEE AND DID MY MORNING BUSINESS IN THE BATHROOM.

WELL A FEW HOURS AGO, I GOT SO TIRED OF WAKING UP SO MUCH THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, I THOUGHT I'D CHECK OUT TO SEE HOW MANY TIMES BY WRITING IT DOWN. I USED PENCIL SO I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH OF IT WILL COME THROUGH WHEN I SCAN IT BUT IF I NEED TO, I'LL TRANSCRIBE IT.

4am, I think it's the 30th. I do know after thinking a moment that its Tues. But who gives a shit. I'm FUCKING AWAKE AND I'M SO TIRED. This is like the 3rd time I've woke up tonight, and I don't have a hard-on and I don't have to pee. I might by the time I'm done writing this.

OK, so that brings up why am I writing on this note book in the first place.

I just dozed off, for a minute. Some odd dream about latin football. This (not sure) I came out of I think a bathroom wondering how I got there. Then this ball rolls toward me. I here {hear} (in latin) someone asking for the ball. And with all my heart,  don't recall if I threw it up to him, kicked it, or just left it sit there and walked away.

Anway, I am so freaken tired, I keep dozing off as I take these 'pause'. Which also means

That with each 'pause', comes a short (in my mind) video of a dream.

I'll describe them as best I can but instead of just a short 'doze', I want to fuckin sleep, I just doze again- and again.

Anyway I'm out officially right now until when ever

550am thirsty as hell

627am not sure why, but bad h/b & thirsty & te.

And if you can translate any of what I wrote that doesn't make sense to you, let me know.

We'll see how this goes tomorrow night

I was up and down all night, and it has been like this for so long, even though I'm scribbling these little notes with various times, I still get this feeling that people, like my doc's, don't believe me when I tell them I'm up half the night. Even when I take these god forsaken sleeping pills. So when I ask them for something stronger to get me a solid night sleep, what do I do? I tell them I'm still up most of the night and then I'm so tired in the afternoon. Like yesterday, I laid down around 2:30pm and didn't wake up 6:45pm. Well shit, at least I got about 4 hours of sleep straight through. I think that's the longest stretch I've slept for awhile..

Well, until I come up with something else to write, I'll catch you later.

3/28/2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Saturday, March 26, 2011

11:41 PM

Here this month is just about over and I can remember just saying in the beginning of Feb that that month is going to be half over and on to summer, or something like that.

Well anyway, March is just about over and here we are into April. Crazy.

There has been a lot of things going on. Either direction you want to choose from too. One pretty cool thing is, and that is I'm buying CD's. Music CD's. I've always told myself that the radio was just fine, but I guess I've gone passed the radio. Over the last almost 2 months, I've bought like 20 disc's.  A couple were double CD's, but I'm not buying them at 15-20 buck a pop. Hell no, I'm a cheap ass. I go to Wal-Mart and buy the $5.00 one's, lol. The Music is still good, it's just not the current songs of the artists, Chesney, Strait, even Journey and Stevie Ray Vaughn.

So anyway, yes I guess that means I'm coming out of the stone age.

I was sitting here starting to create a new filing system for the increasingly amount of paperwork I'm getting from all of the different doctors I have and too, I think maybe my Psyche is getting under more control than it has been for quite some time because when I look at my files, it's just a mess and I'm not usually like that.

The reason I'm going through my files from the doctors and whoever else is because I have already caught my physical therapists in a lie every time I went there, regarding my pain level. And then too I just caught one of my main doctors, Dr. Lai, in another lie. At least in some sort anyway. I'm seeing a new pain management doctor now named Dr. Rho and he mentioned my having RSD, and all of a sudden these alarms started going off in my head. I remember sitting in the office at Dr. Lai's on one visit and he stone cold looked at me square in the face and said that I don't have RSD. Thus one of the reasons I wanted to go through my paperwork/files and do some research. Sure enough, I found a number of reports from Dr. Lai saying something or other about me and my RSD.

3/28/2011 8:08 AM Monday

OK, JUST WOKE ABOUT 15MIN AGO. I SLEPT LIKE SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE. I WOKE UP A COUPLE TIME FOR THE BATHROOM, BUT WOKE UP A

FEW MORE TIMES JUST BECAUSE IT'S THE WAY I'VE BEEN SLEEPING LATELY. LIKE FOR THE PASSED COUPLE YEARS. BUT ANYWAY, I WOKE UP TO

MY DAD'S DOGS BARKING, YELPING, AND WHINGING ALONG WITH WHATEVER ELSE KIND OF FUCKING NOISE THY CAN MAKE AND WITH NO

THANKS TO NOT JUST POPS. HE DOESN'T DO THAT KIND OF THING WITH THE DOGS IF SOMEONE IS SLEEPING, BUT HIS NEW FOUND LOVE

DEBBIE GETS THE DOGS GOING. NOT GIVING A SHIT WHO'S HERE, DOING WHATEVER. BUT WAIT. TOMORROW, OR WHENEVER THE NEXT TIME

DEBBIE STAYS OVER, AND I HAPPEN TO GET UP BEFORE HER, I MAY JUST GET THE DOGS BARKING MYSELF. SHE SLEPT IN YESTERDAY, BUT I WAS AND AM ALWAYS CURTIOUS ENOUGH TO NOT MAKE ANY NOISE UNTIL EVERYONE IS UP.

3/28/2011 7:58 PM

THIS MORNING I WENT TO BREAKFAST WITH MY POPS OVER AT THIS PLACE CALLED COACHES. SO WE ARE JUST CHILLILNG, WATCHING A BIT OF TV AND TALKING ABOUT THIS OR THAT.

AND NOW SEE HERE'S THE VERY FUCKED UP PART THAT YEAH, WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE. BUT MY DAD IS PUSSY WHIPPED. GOD HELP ME IF I'M EVER BACK IN THAT POSITION AGAIN. MY LAST TIME GOT ME MARRIED, SCREWED, AND DIVORCED. BUT THIS TIME WITH MY DAD, IT'S MAKING ME SICK.

BUT AFTER THINKING ABOUT IT, I'M NOT GOING TO WAISTE MY TIME DESCRIBING HOW MUCH OF A PAIN IN THE ASS SHE IS OR HOW I STILL THINK SHE IS TRYING TO GET INTO MY DAD'S FINANCIAL'S SOMEHOW.

RIGHT NOW SHE IS RENTING ONE OF THE APARTMENTS. AND DOING THE OCCASIONAL SLEEP OVER MORE AND MORE LATELY. WELL THE TRUTH WILL PREVAIL WHEN THIS MONTH'S RENT COMES DUE AND IF SHE PAYS IT OR NOT.

ALRIGHT, WELL LET ME MOVE ON. SO FAR THE IMPLANT IS STILL WORKING. IT'S ACTUALLY DOING IT'S JOB I THINK. THE ONLY THING IS, I CAN'T SLEEP WITH IT ON. JUST IMAGINE BEING HOOKED UP TO AN ELECTRICAL CHARGE AT VARIOUS POINTS OF YOUR BODY AND AS YOU MOVE DURING YOUR SLEEP, YOU GET ZAPPED WITH A CHARGE OF CURRENT, SOME MORE EXTREME THAN OTHERS. BUT THE CURRENT ITSELF IS A PAIN IN THE ASS.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Thursday, March 24, 2011

5:23 AM

My dreams since the implant

This bullshit with Debbie staying over, so if that becomes more regular, is she no longer going to pay rent?

How my surgery went on the 18th

Melissa programmed my implant

Dreams, especially after Melissa programmed unit, this last time.

My visit with Dr. Rho and Debbie, the rep working out of Rho's and also Bergey's  office. I think her name is Debbie