Sat, Jan 22, 2011

Saturday, January 22, 2011

9:01 AM

Well, I know it's been more than a few days. So let me go back a few days and get caught up.

I spoke to my Mom, she said that her colon cancer is back. But I guess this part is ok, she sounded really positive.  She didn't sound so frightened as I remember her being last year when she went through it. I know that she is scared to a degree, because her sister is going through colon cancer, has been and from what I understand, it's been really rough on my Aunt. But in talking with my Mom on Wednesday evening, she's (my Aunt) has had a great turn around and is doing pretty well. But also, in talking with Mom the other day, she said that she was going to be having her colon cancer surgery done on Friday. She sounded really good, more positive and happy. Not because of the cancer I'm sure you guessed, but she overall sounded really good.

I called Tony, my brother, yesterday but Mom had just gone in for surgery, they were running late as it turned out. So he called me last night and updated me on how Mom was doing. Tony said that Mom came through great according to the surgeon. They had to take out more of her colon than originally intended. But overall, she's doing good. I'll give her a call tomorrow, let her rest up a little more.

Alright, so I mentioned that my implant quit working Tuesday, I called the rep and set up a time on Wednesday to go out and have her check it out. Melissa, the rep, ran a whole series of tests on the implant and still got nothing. She said that it looks like the implants battery may have had a wire come out of it.

I just don't get it. What the fuck is going on that is making this thing keep quitting on me? Melissa said that either my surgeons' office or my new pain management doctor can use a local anesthetic on my ass where the battery is and open it up and fix the wiring. I really hope it's that simple. If it doesn’t resolve the problem and get the implant working, I'm going to have them remove it. I can't do this anymore.

The 4th I had the implant revision surgery, and that really tore me up. I've mentioned that. I think I've also mentioned that I also needed a little help around the house and with just taking a shower, all of a sudden I'm getting calls from about 4 or 5 Nursing Agencies biding for my services. I really needed them after the surgery, and now I'm having to fend for myself with everything and after having neck surgery, its so hard to reach and turn and just do basic things. That’s all aside from not being able to use my left hand. I haven't made my bed since the surgery. I had a nurse come out last week and do my laundry, change my sheets, but it's still a little too little, too late.

I met with another nurse yesterday that did a more thorough evaluation of my condition, the setting, talked about what I can and can't do. So hopefully after her report goes back to the insurance company, I'll get some help. But like I said, it could very well be a little too little, too late. We'll see how this ends up.

I got a call from my lawyer yesterday, and when I mentioned my next appointment in Beverly Hills, he pointed out that it was with a "Hand and Upper Extremity Reconstructive Surgeon". I thought it was just another freaking shrink that the insurance company wanted me to see. But when my lawyer told me who he was and I read the letter head, saw the "Reconstructive" phrase in it. I have to admit I started getting a little excited.

So now, with the knowledge of seeing a reconstructive specialist, I'm putting "Amputation" on the back burner. I'm not taking it out of the picture all together, but if I'm lucky, this new doctor will be able to get into my arm and rebuild what should never have become an issue in the first place.

I finally went to Havasu, to the bike shop yesterday. I picked up my glove I ordered for my hand. It actually fits better than I expected. Plus it's a little bit longer than my other glove. I bought it to help protect my hand from just touching anything. The nerve damage has been so extensive that even the slight brush along a soft cloth hurts my hand. I still have the crushing sensation, that hasn't changed. That’s what the implant is suppose to be for but the glove is suppose to help protect my hand from just everyday things. Even resting my hand on my leg while sitting down can send extreme pain through my arm. That’s why I have the glove. It hurts like hell to slide it on or to take it off, but once it is on my hand, it feels so comforting really. I can rest my hand on my leg, on the table, wherever. Even though I still have that crushing sensation, I can at least put my hand down.

I'll keep you posted, and thank you all. Your support has meant a lot to me over the last 2 1/2 years. You have no idea what runs through my head.

So anyway. I've got you up to date. I'm thinking of going up to Havasu in a while. There is a Hot Air Balloon Festival going on. I thought I'd go take some photos. If I get some good  shots, maybe even do a drawing in my medium, dots. I think if I get some vibrant and bright colors, I could have something really cool to go by, create some cool works.

Ok, enough for today, it's almost noon. Get my ass moving and do something. I'm losing it and I am not like that, so hence the title of my writings. CHANGES